Fourth Time's A Charm + Inside the Head of a Sick Pregnant Woman

I am 21 weeks pregnant and got admitted for the fourth time yesterday for hyperemesis gravidarum and debilitating nausea. It has gotten 100 times better since I got my Zoran pump last month, but I still spend three or four days each week sick in bed.  

I had a rough weekend but thought things were on the upswing. I woke up excited about the anatomy ultrasound and seeing our little girl. (And a double check to just confirm she's still a girl!) I had planned on meeting David at the hospital, but I couldn't keep anything down and knew I wouldn't be able to drive myself, so I called him to pick me up and drop Georgia off at school.

Our ultrasound was with the high-risk doctor and everything looked great! She told us we have a perfect beautiful baby. It took about an hour and by the end of it all, I was barely able to manage even though I had done nothing but just lie on the bed and watch the screen. I've also been battling dizziness and lightheadedness that got pretty scary Monday evening. They weren't comfortable sending me home, so I took the elevator upstairs to my regular OB, who sent me immediately for bloodwork and fluids. So back downstairs to check in. Same thing, different day. 

I was feeling so bad and exhausted that I was fortunately able to just turn on the TV for background noise and fall asleep as soon as I got the IV in. I feel like I slept forever. I got enough fluids to flush all the ketones out of my system, but woke up nauseous and dry heaving. I drank a little bit of apple juice and threw it up. A few hours later I had some ice cream and soup. 

It's such a weird feeling because even while I am vomiting or gagging while trying to eat, I am literally starving and thinking about what I might be able to keep down. It's a really strange emotional struggle and makes me really feel for people who have eating disorders. At least with a stomach virus you aren't hungry and don't feel like eating. I am always hungry but usually when I try to eat I either can't even mentally work up to it or I have to spit the food out. Completely normal things, too. Last week I was craving strawberries so badly, so I bought some. Washed them really well, sliced, sprinkled on a little sugar and put them in the fridge to chill. I put one tiny slice in my mouth and had to throw the whole bowl away. They just tasted horrible. Like dirt. Way too earthy. Seriously, who has ever had that happen with a strawberry?

Anyway, besides getting to feel my precious baby wiggle and kick all day long (and all night, too) and the amazing feeling that comes along with growing a tiny human inside my body, there's not too much I'll miss about being pregnant. I crave healthy food but can't eat it, but I'm so sick of eating junk. Hardly anything sounds good anymore. Lots of women miss alcohol - I don't care if I never have a sip of champagne again. I just can't wait to eat like a normal person - some cereal or oatmeal with fruit for breakfast. A sandwich! A dinner that doesn't consist solely of bland, white, processed carbs. Bring on the grilled chicken and ground turkey tacos!