Thursday, November 10, 2011

It's Been One of Those Days



I don't know what it was about Monday, but it was rough.  It's the first time Georgia made me cry.

Oh sure, I cry pretty much every day because she does something cute, or learns something new, or grows out of another outfit.  But yesterday was the first day I cried out of sheer frustration and confusion and doubt about this mommyhood thing.

It's been a crazy week.  Last week we spent 12 hours in a car, stopped for the night and attended a funeral for a total of 12 hours, then drove back to Houston.  We spent the night in north Houston at my aunt and uncle's house, but Georgia went to bed late.  Mimi and Grandpa were here for a weekend visit when we returned - and thank God for that, after spending 24 out of 36 hours in a car, I really needed a break. 

The following two nights I had obligations and wasn't home from 5 p.m. until after Georgia's bedtime.  She had so much fun playing with Mimi, Grandpa, Daddy and the puppies that I didn't hold her or get too much of her attention until Monday, when it was just the two of us again.  And there was a time change somewhere in the midst of all that.

Georgia is always an angel in the morning.  We laugh and play and giggle for a couple of hours.  It was perfect!  The rest of the day was pretty great too, although I noticed she wanted to be held so much more than usual.  She hated her Bumbo, Boppy, bouncy seat and activity mat.  She wouldn't hang out in her bed and watch her animals (mobile) which she usually loves to do.  So I put her in the Ergo and tried to get some stuff done around the house.  There were piles of laundry from our trip and my busy weekend, and as every mom or wife knows, there's always something that can be cleaned or picked up.

So our day was pretty great until about 3p.m.  Even though she refused to nap all morning, I did finally get her down...but only for 30 minutes.  It doesn't take a genius to know that an infant needs to nap more than 30 minutes in a day.  She was just fussy from 3 on.  By 5, I was exhausted.  I hadn't been able to do anything except hold her and try to entertain her, and I was failing miserably on the entertainment part.  We went through books, books, books, and all sorts of toys.  Sitting outside and petting the puppies was no consolation for my tired, grumpy baby.  Not even two walks to the park helped matters.

We usually start bath time between 6:30 and 7, but when David called to say he'd be working later than that, I decided to do it early to see if she'd calm down any.  Wow, it seems that trying to give her a bath was my big mistake.  As soon as we went into the bathroom she started howling and fussing, and making little fists and waving them at me.  I'm not kidding!

Usually if she's crying, we get her in the bath and start to play and it all turns out fine.  This time it only got worse!  I didn't even get to wet her washcloth and try to bath her, she was crying so hard.  She had tears streaming down her face and the next thing I knew, so did I.  So I got her out and wrapped her in a towel and we sat on the side of the tub crying, just the two of us. 

I'm not sure what her problem was, but I do know what mine was.  When I worked at a nine to five job, I always knew that I was doing a good job.  I knew because my boss was happy with my work and so were other people.  If I slacked off, it just hurt myself since I always had to play catch up later.



Now, in my new role as a stay at home mom, I try my hardest at everything all day long.  From the time Georgia wakes up at 6 a.m. until my pillow hits the head (and sometimes during the night, when she wakes up).  There's no slacking off, she is my job 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  She's a happy, peaceful baby and we generally just float along having a good day.  Even the so-so days when she's not feeling well or going through a growth spurt are OK. 

But days like Monday leave me second-guessing everything, including my parenting skills.  It's really difficult to know that you're doing the right thing when the only person who can validate you at the end of the day is looking right at you, with her little red face scrunched up and her mouth wide open screaming at the top of her lungs, even though you are pretty certain you've done everything "right" that you possibly can.

Add to that the disappointment with myself for never getting the load of laundry I started out of the washer into the dryer and folded, and the fact that there are toys strewn from the nursery to the living room.  I also didn't get a shower although, thankfully, I made it out of my PJs.  I only accomplished this by singing to Georgia and pretending my getting dressed was a game.  There was a hot, homemade dinner for David when he got home, but only because I was starving and didn't want to have to find my credit card for a pizza delivery.

We're having a much better day today, but it's only 1 p.m. as I draft this post, so we still have quite a ways to go until bedtime.  Hopefully both of us make it through bathtime with no tears.



Wondering why the dates in this post don't match up?  I drafted it Tuesday afternoon but didn't hit post until just now.

15 comments:

The Miskell Family said...

Ahhh, hang in there. You are a great momma so next time just remember that beautiful lil face and she'll make everything better :)
Ha, of course speaking from a non-momma I prob have no idea what Im talking about!!
xoxo

MrsMartin said...

Those days are rough...my daughter is 17 months old and I have another arriving in about 7 weeks. I'm constantly questioning if I'm doing enough, teching her enough, playing, etc. I think it's just part of being a good Mom. If you didn't care or become upset when you can't instantly put a smile on your childs face then its a problem. Hang in there!

mrs. darling said...

oh, honey...ruth and i have these days, too. they are so tough!

i've noticed ruth has days like this after a long weekend full of family. meaning, she was most likely held and entertained during her waking hours. then, when it's just us again (back in our routine), it takes her a couple of days to get back adjusted to playing on her own some and not being held constantly. poor sweeties...it confuses them!

you are a great mom, hang in there! and trust me, you aren't the only one with a messy house on those rough days.

Sarah said...

We definitely all have these days and I think you must be doing a great job if this is the only one you've had over the past 5+ months :) I'm lucky to have a happy, mellow little boy who's a terrible sleeper...there have been many nights where I've been lying in bed crying and wondering how I'm going to get through another day. But one smile from my little guy makes me know its all worth it! Hang in there!!

Amy @ Forever 29 said...

I wish I could tell you that this won't happen again, but it will. You'll learn from it and understand that we all just do the best we can. I've definitely had my fair share of days when I'm frustrated I cry...and days where I don't get out of my pajamas and dinner doesn't get made. It is so hard when the minutes seem to drag by. Is Miss G getting a tooth? LB had a rough day on Tuesday and Wednesday morning he had a new tooth!

Veronika said...

I love reading real mommy moments like this. Thanks for sharing :)I think parenting can have tough days but they always seem to be highly outnumbered by the amazing days :)

You are a great mom!

Chistine said...

I feel your frustration! Those days are hard. You're doing everything right! You both had a long and busy couple of days.

Caitlin is about the same age and recently had a string of these not-happy-doing-anything days also leaving me exhausted, unshowered, and the house a mess. We hunkered down at home, worked on extra cuddles and routine, and she's coming back around. Maybe a growth spurt? Maybe a tooth? Maybe she simply needs extra momma time? Just when you think you got it all down, something changes. Not that we'd ever trade it for anything! Hang in there...

Natalie said...

I have cried more times than I care to admit in the past 9 weeks! Being a mom is hard work and when you stay at home, there really isn't ever a break and that is HARD. You can't second guess yourself, there is nothing perfect about parenting!

Ashley Beth said...

I'm so sorry for what happened on Monday. It sucks. I know it sucks, and my heart was so sad reading this post.

This is what Piper did every single day during my 12 week maternity leave...from around 3 until 8pm, which is why I'm probably such a nervous wreck around her.

The screaming and inconsolable-ness can be so un-nerving it will shake your confidence until it's gone. I can handle anything that work throws at me, but I completely lose it with the unstoppable crying.

Of course you are not a bad mom. You are a wonderful mom. Every time we hang out, I think, "I wish I could be a mom more like Chas." I seriously say that to Russ when I get home from playdates. I think you are a spectacular mom.

Again, I'm so sorry for your day. I found myself in a panic after reading this, because I know that pain! Kiss that sweet baby girl for me.

See you soon. Love you, friend!

Madeline @ Food, Fitness, Family said...

We had a similar adventure last night - meltdown of epic proportions at 10:30. Absolutely nothing would soothe her. She cried and I cried while I was rocking her and my hubs was camping out on her floor. Fun times in mommyland!

Sorry you had a rough day :(

Finley's Mom said...

Now, in my new role as a stay at home mom, I try my hardest at everything all day long. From the time Georgia wakes up at 6 a.m. until my pillow hits the head (and sometimes during the night, when she wakes up). There's no slacking off, she is my job 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

^^^^^^^^^
all of this.....yep!
I feel like I go non stop now. DH just does not get it either. He thinks it's easy. He does not get that we. do. not. get. a break. Don't get me wrong. I love only working on Tuesdays during the week but it's a lot of work. There is always something that NEEDS to be done and I really think I put more pressure on myself now to get it all done. Overtiredness is no fun. We has one of those days yesterday. One day I just had a cry fest and told DH that I do this and that and this and that and went on with this huge list of the things I do all week long. I really did not think he even realized. He had commented on how easy I must have it to be with Finley all day! Yeah, eaaaasy. lol

Jessica said...

Just found your blog through I Pick Pretty and I can TOTALLY relate to this post. It's really nice to know that others go through the same exact "hard to please" days with their little ones!

Legallyblondemel said...

Oh, yes - think we've all been there. You're so right that the SAHM thing adds to it too. That isn't to say that all moms don't struggle to understand what their wee ones want on these dreaded days, of course, but when mothering is our full-time job & we have no other source of job validation, those days are a beast.

You're doing a great job. Truly. Heck, I'm impressed that it's taken you this long to have your first frustrated mom cry; pretty sure I hit that benchmark around the 2 week mark (and plenty since).

Katie @ Chronicles of KT said...

good to know Im not the only one that has these days...just hang int here and remember each day is a fresh start..our little ones have bad days just like us :)

clare said...

Its all part of being a mom. My kids are 5, 10, and 12 and I still have those moments. I've been a SAHM for years and I really relate to your comment about how the job is 24/7 and that sometimes you question whether you are doing a good job. Hang in there.